TRIGGERS: THE AWFUL ROLLER COASTER OF GRIEF

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

 —  Romans 5:2-5 (NIV)

Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey—one filled with emotional surprises. Grief triggers are experiences that stir intense feelings and memories connected to your loss. They can suddenly bring sadness, anger, or anxiety to the surface. Learning to anticipate, prepare for, and manage the grief roller-coaster is an important part of the healing process.

Welcome to the Grief Roller Coaster 

There are two major ways these experiences tend to affect you:

1. Your emotions can feel like a wild roller coaster ride —sudden, intense, and unpredictable.
2. Memories may rise without warning, interrupting your sense of stability.

When Triggers Show Up

Therapists often refer to these emotional shocks as triggers. A scent, a familiar song, a certain place, anything that unexpectedly reminds you of your loved one—can reopen grief with surprising force.

Triggers can also include another loss (a pet, a friend, another family member), a job change, or finding a forgotten keepsake tucked away in a drawer. Even joyful celebrations, weddings, anniversaries, graduations, holidays—may stir painful emotions because your loved one is not there to share them.

Triggers are especially common in the first two years of grieving, but they can occur long after.

Grief Is Not a Straight Line

Many describe grief in stages, which can offer some comfort. But the lived experience of grief is rarely predictable. What seems manageable today can hit with full intensity weeks or months later.

Grief is not linear. It comes in waves—emotional surges that can leave you exhausted and confused. You can feel like you are processing and handling your grief journey quite well, and out of nowhere, you find yourself suddenly overwhelmed by grief and loss. 

When you find yourself struggling with unexpected mood shifts into sadness, depression, or other distressing emotions, take the time to reflect on what that roller coaster of emotions means.

Something very real and powerful remains behind, even though your loved one is no longer there. Your love. And that’s beautiful. You may be sad, and even cry long after their presence is removed from your day to day life. 

But, as you get better at practicing strategies, coping mechanisms, and genuine self care, your ability to rebalance in the present and look forward will grow stronger. You will find your way back to “okay” a bit quicker each time. And maybe even smile through the tears at the reminders of your loved one.

The Emotional Roller Coaster You Didn’t Choose

You may find yourself pleading with God, “I want off this ride—the wild ride of grief emotions.” The twists and turns and ups and downs can be overwhelming. One moment, you feel steady and hopeful, making progress up the hill. The next, you plunge without warning into sorrow or panic.

You grip tightly and brace yourself, wishing the chaos would stop. And when it finally slows… you’re back at the starting point, exhausted.

The Ride Isn’t Optional

Unlike a real amusement ride, you don’t get to decline this one. Understanding that chaos is normal may give you strength to hang on—and remind you that it’s healthy to ask for help along the way.

Even when you believe you’ve “moved past” a feeling, triggers can bring it roaring back.

The Most Difficult Part: The Unpredictability

Some days feel hopeful—you’re adjusting, rebuilding, even laughing again. Then out of nowhere, a trigger hits you hard. It can seem like the very beginning of grief all over again.

A phone call still asking for your loved one…
A favorite shirt hanging untouched…
A familiar smell drifting through the air…

Small things can carry enormous emotional weight.

Practical Ways to Manage Grief Triggers

When you find yourself spiraling from a fresh trigger, these practical steps can help:

• Accept them:
  Triggers are a normal part of grief—not a sign of failure.
• Talk about them:
  Share your feelings with trusted friends, a grief group, or a counselor.
• Prepare ahead:
  Plan support and soothing activities around holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries.
• Reframe your thoughts:
  When possible, replace painful thoughts with comforting memories.
• Show yourself compassion:
  Grief often comes in waves. Feeling intense sadness after a stretch of calm does not mean you’re going backward.

When Old Pain Resurfaces

You might relive emotions you thought were behind – fear, loneliness. This does not mean your healing has stalled. It means healing is ongoing. Progress doesn’t always feel like progress.

Reopening Old Wounds

A familiar routine, a household task, the family pet curling up beside you—simple everyday moments can bring grief to the surface. Milestones like birthdays and anniversaries highlight the absence of someone who once shared those memories with you.

When Others Don’t Understand

Insensitive comments sometimes add to the pain—even when well-intended:

• “You should be over this by now.”
• “At least you can have another child.”
• “Try to be happy.”

When others dismiss your grief, it can feel isolating. But their misunderstanding does not define your journey. Grief is personal. You are allowed your tears, your timing, and your healing.

This Ride Will Not Last Forever

Here is the hopeful truth: with time and healthy grieving, the emotional roller coaster slows. The raw ache softens. The swings between highs and lows become less intense and less frequent.

You will never stop loving or remembering your person—and you shouldn’t. But you will grow stronger. You will learn to breathe again. You will heal.

This blessing has always been an encouragement in my life. May it bless you today as well:

²⁴ “The Lord bless you
    and keep you;
²⁵ the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you;
²⁶ the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.”

Numbers 6:24-26