HOW LONG DOES GRIEF LAST? AND COPING STRATEGIES THAT WORK

Most people who have experienced grief find themselves wondering how long the pain is going to last. Unfortunately, there isn’t a timeline for healing.

The duration of the grieving process varies from person to person, depending on how they care for themselves.

It is important to remember that no matter how long it takes, there is always hope beyond grief.

How Long Does Grief Last?

Well, the short answer is grief doesn’t ever go away. Your feelings of grief will never completely vanish, because grief is a natural response to losing someone. The intensity of your grief, on the other hand, will lessen.

You can reach a point where, when something reminds you of your loss, the sweetness of the memory will be the primary focus. There is no trick to hasten the grieving process, but there are things you can do to help yourself move through the grief process in a healthy way. I’ll share some of them below, but first, about the healing journey.

Healing is Gradual

When you experience any type of loss, it is normal for it to take a while to heal. It is not going to happen right away. Little by little, the intensity and prevalence of the pain will lessen over time, but it will not happen overnight.

Healing isn’t a Linear Process

You’re going to have good and bad days when grieving someone you love. Sometimes, you’ll have days, weeks, or even months where it feels like you aren’t in pain – and then one bad day of grief can come along and make it feel like you are back to where you started.

When this happens, don’t feel discouraged. Remember that there are ups and downs throughout the process of grieving, and taking a few steps back after moving forward through healing is normal.

Everyone’s Timeline of Grief is Unique

The timeline is different for everyone. For some, it might seem that they have healed and moved on very quickly. For others, it may feel as if the process goes on forever. There is no one right or wrong timeline or period for everyone to get good at their specific coping skills to help them cope with grief.

The amount of time it takes to heal from the loss of a loved one depends on many factors. Some of these include:

The individual’s relationship with the person who died
Whether or not the deceased lived in the same household as the person
Whether or not the person saw the deceased frequently
If the person is taking steps to work through the grieving process

Coping with loss is different even in families. The closeness of a person to their loved one and what type of relationship they had with them all dictate how or for what length of time a person takes to mourn and move through to healing.

The Ripple Effect, or Five Stages of Grief

There is a certain basic progression of grief. There is a ripple effect, where the point of impact (breaking the news) starts a chain reaction. Similar to skipping stones or a boat’s wake, the news creates ripples. Or like a roller coaster’s ups and downs… Unfortunately, there’s no ‘mid-ride’ escape.

The pain and emotions that grief can cause must be experienced and dealt with, but the impact of each ripple will become less severe.

Bereavement catches most people off guard, and it can feel like it will never end. But there is hope. The death of a loved one isn’t the end. Their memory will always be with you, even as you create your new routines.

To Cope with Grief Requires Hope

Things will get better. Though you may always feel a little bit of pain when you think about your loved one, the initial pain that you felt when you began to mourn will subside. In order for this to happen, you have to be sure that grief does not become your identity.

Sometimes, you’ll think you’re sailing along fairly well, when an event, such as a birthday or important anniversary, can trigger your grief.

Sometimes, grief may become a comfortable place to stay. Taking steps that will allow you to heal usually takes more effort. This causes people to make grief their identity. If you choose to do this, it’s going to be a lot more difficult to heal. It’s going to take more time, and you are going to feel more pain.

Instead of finding your identity in the loss of your loved one, seek out your identity in Christ. He will remind you that there is hope beyond grief.

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Psalm 30:5b (NLT)

Moving Forward in the Grieving Process

It can be difficult to think about the steps that you need to take to work through your grief. Remember that there is no one way to grieve, and your feelings may fluctuate in intensity for some time. Here are three things that we recommend that will help you through your grieving process:

Spend time with God. The more time you spend with God, the more peace you will feel. Praying, studying His Word, and seeking comfort in your church community are all great ways to work through the loss of your loved one. Although these things won’t erase the pain, they will help you through it. God is there with open arms, and He will bring you peace.

Attend a grief support group. Grief support groups are groups of people who all have one thing in common: they have lost a loved one. In grief support groups, you have the ability to confide in people who are going through the same pain as you.

Typically, groups will work through a curriculum centered around grief and healing, and they are sometimes led by a pastor or other leader in a church. If you are a pastor or church leader looking for resources to strengthen your skills in grief care, we offer a pastoral care grief and loss training program that can help.

Seek professional help. Sometimes, attending a grief group isn’t enough, and that’s okay. You can seek help and care from a licensed grief counselor, which is a great way to sort through the pain of losing a loved one.

Though there isn’t a timeline for healing, and it may take a while, finding peace is possible.

Contact us today if you have any questions about grief support groups or about our pastoral care grief and loss training package.