4 WAYS TO HELP A GRIEVING FRIEND: HOW TO SUPPORT SOMEONE THROUGH GRIEF

Grieving the death of a loved one is a unique and difficult experience. People have lots of overwhelming emotions and need support along the way.

Someone you know is deep in the midst of grief and loss. You want to help a grieving friend, but what do you say to make anything better? Especially when nothing you say to someone in that position is going to fix the real problem?

So, how do you minister to someone who’s grieving?

4 Ways to Support Someone Who Is Grieving:

We’re here to help you support and comfort someone you care deeply about who is in the middle of grief.

It’s difficult to know what to say or find the right words when a friend or family member is going through the shock of bereavement. But you can help them feel seen and cared about. You can offer to help in whatever way you can. Here are a few specific suggestions:

1. Active Listening to What They Say (or Don’t Say)

In conversation with others, we tend to listen enough to respond. We gather the information that we need to answer a question the other person asked or to add our thoughts to theirs. However, we’re usually not using active listening skills.

When ministering to an individual who is grieving, it is important to listen intently to what the bereaved person is saying.

Instead of thinking about how you are going to respond, be present and empathetic towards them, and validate their feelings. Respond in short, simple ways that show you are listening to them. Ask your loved one questions to draw them out. Just being able to talk about the person who is gone, without judgment, is huge.

Don’t try to identify with their situation if you have not been through it. If the individual lost their spouse, don’t try and compare your grief from a different situation, such as a divorce, or the loss of a best friend or parent. Doing this can cause harm rather than help.

If you’re not sure what to say or are afraid of saying the wrong thing, remember this: The individual may not want to talk at all. Sometimes, just a friendly presence gives them comfort. Sit with them in silence. It can feel awkward or uncomfortable, but it may be the thing that will encourage the grieving person most in that moment.

2. Offer Practical and Personal Care

It’s easy to type up a quick comment on social media saying that you’re praying for the person or wish them well, and then go on with your day. Instead, go out of your way to do something more for them and connect with them more personally. Make them feel like they’re not alone. Some practical things you can do are to:

Write them a card
Pray with them
Make them a meal
Have an in-person conversation with them
Tell them to let you know if they have a specific request

Offer your support and come alongside that person to help them. Showing intentional compassion is important when connecting and ministering to someone experiencing grief.

3. Share What to Expect When Grieving the Loss

One important way to help someone you love at this time is to prepare them with some key information. There are certain things that happen physically during grief, and it’s helpful to learn that sooner rather than later. To know that you’re okay, and these symptoms are normal. You can also help your loved one realize that the intensity is temporary, whether they believe that now or not.

During grieving, people often experience bouts of depression or extreme sadness, physical pain such as headaches and body aches, and discouragement.

Sharing these expectations with someone grieving a loss does not make these experiences any easier, but it does give the person stability and validation when they experience such.

Often, people are surrounded by others the first few weeks after their loved one dies. They receive many phone calls, texts, letters, and visits. Eventually, both the company and support begin to slow down. This can be a very difficult time for the individual.

Kindly sharing this expectation with someone who is at the beginning of their grieving process is helpful.

Additionally, be there for them when things slow down. Reach out to them and check on them periodically. Show them that you are there for them when they need you.

4. Point the Grieving Person Towards Additional Resources

Though talking to friends is helpful, many individuals need grief care resources such as grief support groups, programs, and grief counseling. Speaking to a licensed professional and to those who have gone through similar situations can be comforting and affirming.

Hope Beyond Our Grief offers a helpful six-week program called Hope Beyond Today for those who are grieving. This program was developed by individuals who have lost a loved one and have had to navigate the grieving process. Through video and discussion, Hope Beyond Today provides practical ways to deal with their pain after the loss of a loved one so that they know there is hope beyond grief.