GRIEF AND LONELINESS: FINDING SUPPORT IN TIMES OF LOSS

When someone dies, you often have a group of friends and connections who rally around you. There are many offers of help and company.

But after a bit, others return to their lives, making us feel like no one cares.

After a while, things slow down. People don’t reach out as often. Friends stop asking you how you’re feeling, and you feel lonely. It seems as if your community has forgotten that you are still grieving. It may feel like you have been abandoned, which can be even more difficult because it compounds the original loss.

When you are still right in the middle of your grief, it’s not uncommon to feel like you’re resentful of others who seem to be moving on more easily. 

Please hear this: You will learn how to move forward. It won’t be back to my old self because that part of life has passed. But with time and effort, grief comes to a point where it no longer takes center stage. 

Why Do People Stop Reaching Out? 

There are many reasons why this happens. It’s not that people stop caring; most individuals just don’t know how to help with grief. It is often an uncomfortable subject that many people are not equipped to deal with. That’s why we offer our Christian grief support training – to give people the tools to support others through bereavement. 

1. People get busy. Life doesn’t stop when someone passes away. People still have to work, take care of their families, go to school, etc. After a few weeks of focusing on the loss of your loved one and how they can support you, people usually have to get back to focusing on their lives, their routines, and their responsibilities.

Holiday grief can be especially difficult to go through for this reason. Everyone is worried about buying gifts, attending events, and seeing family and friends. With their minds on other things, people may forget that you are grieving. 

2. People become tired and uncomfortable. Grief can be ugly and time-consuming. Addressing it for a long time can become uncomfortable. Your friends may feel awkward and run out of answers or things to say. It isn’t that they no longer care; they just feel emotionally worn out and as if they have already done what they can. 

3. People may assume that you are doing better. When people know the person who has passed, it can be difficult for them, just like it is with close friends and family. However, after a few weeks, they start to feel better about the loss. Often, people who are not as close to the person who has passed will assume that close friends and family have healed once they have. 

How Can You Help Someone Cope With the Loneliness of Grief?

Coping with loneliness after the loss of a loved one is challenging. And the grieving person’s feelings of loneliness are just one aspect of their grief process. 

Grief is often isolating. Remind them that you are still there for support. Reach out to them weeks, even months after they have lost their loved one, and check in on them.

Listen when they need to talk. Their grief journey doesn’t stop after the donated meals are eaten or the gift cards are used up. Talking to others who understand, at least enough to care, is a blessing. 

More ideas for simple, practical things you can do to support grieving people can be found here. 

Grief Support Group Resources

Here at Hope Beyond Our Grief, we offer Christian grief support training for those who help by caring for people who are grieving. We know that grief can be uncomfortable, awkward, sad, and emotionally draining; but with the right tools, you have the ability to be someone’s support and comfort through their difficult time. 

For more information about how to better understand the grief process or how to set up a grief support group, or how to work through holiday grief, check out our resources.