HOW LONG WILL THE TEARS OF GRIEF LAST?

In grief, you will find yourself crying emotional tears. The emotions vary from sadness and loneliness to anger and frustration, to name a few. 

Losing someone you care about is always hard. And there’s not a specific timeline of how long it’s ‘appropriate’ or ‘normal’ to find yourself crying after the loss. 

However, there are a few guidelines or clues that can help you gauge if your grieving is healthy or complicated by additional factors that need some extra help.

Tears of Grief: What You Need to Know

God designed people to produce three kinds of tears. Each one is unique, and actually constructed differently. 

-Basal Tears (keeping your eyes lubricated)

-Reflex Tears (to wash away irritants)

-Emotional Tears (when intense feelings bubble over)

The chemical composition of tears are different depending on their function. The first two serve vital functions such as protecting your eyes from infection. The third kind of tears help us to find comfort and express an unspeakable love that has become separated from us. 

Benefits of Crying

Emotional tears contain stress hormones, which means that tears caused by the grieving process actually help your body eliminate some of the excess stress. Which means you often feel better after a good cry. You’re reducing the load of hormones and other toxins, one tear at a time.

Emotional crying helps you process losing a loved one. Your tears are a sign of how much loving someone who is no longer with you impacted your life. 

Many will try to hold tears back and put on, if not a happy face, then at least an “I’m fine” persona. But ignoring your pent-up emotions tends to make healing harder. 

What Is the Biblical View of Grief and Tears?

The Bible has a few things to say about grief, and we go into that in more detail here, but for now, let’s highlight the specific Scriptures that involve tears:

Sometimes we as Christians feel that we shouldn’t be sad or crying over the death of a loved one because we know they’ve gone to be with the Lord for their eternal life.
Yet, John 11:35 tells us “Jesus wept” at the death of Lazarus. Jesus, as in all aspects of life, is setting the example for us here. Not even God Himself is spared from the sting of the loss of someone’s earthly life.

This is an especially important lesson for men, who may feel like they shouldn’t be having these emotions and letting them play out. Jesus Himself is showing us it is perfectly natural to feel the sting of the death of a loved one and let it show to others how you feel in order to find closure and healing.

Symptoms of Grief: Bereavement Tears are Precious

No matter the type of grief, there are some common symptoms. These are normal and healthy, in their time. The physical and emotional symptoms of grief can cause major upheaval in your life.

From depression and sleep issues to anger and digestive troubles, the loss of a loved one takes a toll for an uncertain length of time. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You may feel numb for a time, or find yourself bargaining with God.

You may start to feel like you are never going to stop crying, but it’s important to allow those tears. They serve as a powerful release, allowing us to express the profound emotions we carry within us.

Crying can be a natural and healthy way to process our pain, helping us to move through our loss rather than suppressing it. Each tear shed is a testament to the love we held and the memories we cherish. While the journey can be long and challenging, know that it is also a path toward healing and growth.

Psalm 56:8 says You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. (NLT)

This verse helps us remember that our sorrow is different because we’re not alone, and our pain matters. God cares, and He is involved.

Navigating Grief: When Is It More Than Just Sadness?

To cope with loss is a challenge. It just is. No matter the type of loss, grief may overwhelm you for a time. And that doesn’t ever ‘go away.’ But with proper support, your feelings will become manageable. 

One would obviously expect crying in the earliest points of the healing journey, but how do you know if you’re not moving on quickly enough? Especially since there’s no standard timeline for how long you may experience the tidal wave stage.

This all depends on a few things, including your personality. Are you a sensitive soul who happens to cry very easily? This may be a reason why you feel you can’t move on quite as quickly as others can. It may also be that you might not be crying painful tears, but rather tears of remembrance, like on an anniversary.

It’s also not necessarily the amount of crying that you’re doing that determines if you’re healing normally, but the emotions you’re feeling. Ask yourself:

• Are you feeling hopeless or struggling to keep up with paying bills and maintaining relationships?
• Can you picture a future for yourself, or do you have a sense of despair when you try to imagine it?

These may be signs that what you’re feeling is more along the lines of depression, and we would always suggest seeking out a professional Christian counselor in this case.

This is not a sign of weakness. It is wisdom. There are many areas of your life where you would automatically hire a professional. Electrical work, roofing, auto mechanic…

If you can’t seem to face the reality of your loss or adjust to your new path, you may need to seek out a licensed counselor who can help you make sense of it all and learn how to cope. 

How We Can Help

Unresolved or complicated grief can prevent you from coming to terms with the loss. We don’t want that for you. While it is difficult to deal with, a healthy grief journey depends on a certain amount of effort. Just like learning any other new skill.

If you or your church needs some biblical guidance in healing from grief, take a look at our program for ministers and our grief support group curriculum today. We’d be honored to help you heal!