7 PRACTICAL WAYS TO SUPPORT A GRIEVING PERSON

Grief is a tough process that can leave a person going through it feeling vulnerable, alone, and misunderstood. If you are a friend or family member of someone who is grieving, and you don’t really know how to help them, it’s okay! 

Grief is strange and hard to understand- especially if you’ve never gone through it yourself. You may worry about saying the wrong thing or putting your foot in your mouth.

The suggestions below will help you support someone you care about, even if you can’t make things better.

How to Help Someone Through Grief

People are often uncomfortable with grief. Both you and the bereaved person feel awkward and confused. Either of you may be afraid to talk about it and try to change the subject or hurry through the process. 

However, helping a grieving friend may mean talking about the death. There’s nothing you can say to make it go away but being there for them to talk (or not talk) helps. Just showing up in love can make a difference in the weight of the moment. 

7 Ways to Offer Practical Help to a Grieving Person

The following suggestions will help the grieving person feel noticed. They will offer tangible reminders that they (and their pain) matter to you. These things won’t fix the loss, because nothing can, but they will help in other ways.

1. Checking In On Them

Everyone could use a friend to check in on them every so often but especially so for a grieving friend or family member. What’s imperative to know is that you should check in on someone in grief without expectation. Contact the bereaved person just to let them know you’re there for them when they’re ready to talk. They will surely appreciate your understanding and friendship.

2. Being Present

In the same vein as the last point, just being there for your friend is an excellent way to support them. Be there to listen to them, remember their lost loved one, and even sometimes just sit in silence. The bereaved person may not feel like talking, but doesn’t want to be alone either. It may be weird to someone who hasn’t experienced grief, but sometimes sitting in silence with a friend can be a huge comfort over doing it alone.

3. Being Available In Service

Maybe you’re not sure what to say, but you still want to help. The bereaved person may not be able to ask for help, but you can offer to help by making some frozen meals or mowing their lawn for them while they’re going through the darkest part of their journey. This would be a huge help! Especially if they are not ready to talk or think about their experiences yet. 

4. Being Mindful Of Important Dates And Holidays

Holiday grief is tough because even if a loved one passed away months ago, the first holiday without them is going to bring up all of the emotional work that has been done in overcoming the grief. This is a normal part of the process, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Be mindful of your friends’ emotions around certain holidays or birthdays of deceased loved ones. Remember, they may be extra vulnerable then. Set reminders on your calendar and reach out around those important dates.

5. Understanding The Grieving Process

In my humble opinion, this is the most important way to support your friend. If you take some time and effort to learn about the grieving process, you’ll better understand what your friend or relative is going through. It will give you a new perspective, and the more you know, the better equipped you’ll feel. Your empathy will help you do most of these things naturally, without a second thought.

6. Be Forgiving And Flexible

Being flexible and forgiving is important because people who are grieving the loss of a loved one are probably going to cancel get-togethers with you a couple of times. It’s not unusual for grief to cause them to forget to respond to your messages, even if that is out of character. Give them time, continue your support, and know that they will find their way back to some semblance of normal.

7. Encourage Them To Do Things They Enjoy

Although grief is a process that can lead some to choose to be isolated and alone, at least for a while, we should encourage them not to let that last forever. They will likely need to take a break from regular activities when their loss is fresh.  After an appropriate length of time, encourage your friend to do the things they used to love together again. Make them laugh, and just be a positive light in their life. 

If you found these helpful and would like to learn more about how to support the bereaved, please check out our faith-centered grief support training program.

Providing Ongoing Support During the Grieving Process

Hopefully, if you are inexperienced with grief, you can use some of these tips to be the best friend and support person you can possibly be!

Grief isn’t something that just goes away, and when someone you love who’s grieving needs a safe place to express their grief, you can let them know that you’re available.

Remember that people experience grief in different ways. They’re dealing with difficult emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and what works best varies from person to person.

The Ripple Effects of Grief Over Time

It’s important to note that while there are semi-predictable emotions and stages of grief, there is no checklist. You can be in more than one phase at a time and go back and forth between several emotions and intensity levels. 

We like to compare this to the ripple effect of skipping stones, or the wake of a boat. Where the impact occurs, everything is disturbed, confused, and ruffled. Further out from the immediate impact, the ripples or waves are still distinct and strong enough to disrupt everything. Further still, things become less distinct, though there’s still a pattern of swells.

In a similar way, the intensity of the pain becomes less sharp and jagged as we go forward. It is natural and likely to grieve in subtle ways for the rest of your life, but it will not always be all-consuming. 

It’s All About Helping Support Someone You Care About

As your bereaved friend or family member walks through their grief over time, you can offer your support and provide comfort in these simple, meaningful ways. Walking alongside someone you know who has experienced the death of a loved one is helpful. You can make all the difference in their journey. 

It’s far better to ask, “Do you feel like talking?” and be turned down than it is to expect them to know they can come to you when their loss has worn them to a breaking point.

Maybe you are looking for grief support training for your church’s grief group or something regarding holiday grief. Please take a look around our website and see what learning materials we offer.