UNDERSTANDING WHAT GRIEF FEELS LIKE: NAVIGATING THE GRIEVING PROCESS

Grief can often have a mind of its own and is on its own timeline. It might not be what typically comes to mind when you think of the grieving process. You may have heard of the stages of grief, or maybe you have no clue what grief will look like. 

Most likely, when you’re grieving, you’ll know. Life will be different or even abnormal in some fashion. We strive to help you regain some hope during your grieving period, but we must first acknowledge our grief.

What Are Some Emotional Symptoms Of Grief?

Grief is a journey, and not everyone’s journey will look or feel the same. Some may not even realize they’re grieving, whether actively or inactively. Some may be in denial that they even need to grieve, thus pushing their grief into a box and forgetting about it.

Unfortunately, bottling up our emotions is not an effective long-term coping method, especially when it comes to dealing with grief. When we experience loss, the feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion can become overwhelming. Suppressing these emotions may provide temporary relief, but in the long run, it can lead to increased pain and emotional turmoil. 

These are some common emotional symptoms of grief to help you decipher this confusing time. 

  • Irritability
  • Numbness and Detachment
  • Bitterness
  • Inability to show or feel joy
  • A deep sadness
  • Thinking only of the loss of your loved one.

You may also feel guilty, or you may feel angry. Losing a loved one unexpectedly can bring these feelings on, which can, in turn, amplify some of these other feelings, which can, in turn, lead to prolonged or complicated grief. 

It is essential to acknowledge and express our feelings, allowing ourselves to process the grief in a healthy way. By doing so, we can begin to heal and find a path forward, rather than remaining trapped in a cycle of unresolved emotions.

Many of these symptoms also appear in cases of depression. If your mental state doesn’t start to heal after a few months, normal grief care may not be sufficient, and you might want to consider Christian-based counseling.

What are Some Physical Symptoms of Grief?

Typically, bereavement is stressful, so grief and grieving often present physically in the same way that other stresses do. The pain of grief when losing someone you care about is one of the most stressful life events. Our bodies process and experience grief physically in many ways, and the toll on your body can include:

  • Fatigue
  • Lack of motivation
  • Sleeping significantly more or less than normal
  • Appetite changes and digestive problems
  • Muscle tension

Coping with grief requires both emotional and physical ‘homework.’  There’s not one specific way to grieve, but the healing journey after the death of a loved one will include effort. Your body needs balance, even when your mind and heart believe there’s no such thing anymore. Prioritizing your physical well-being may be the last thing on your mind, but it will make a world of difference as you grieve the loss.

Daily movement is important. Spend regular time moving, without overdoing it; feed yourself healthy foods, with a few treats; take a few extra naps, and aim for a reasonable bedtime. These things will help your nervous system regulate, which will encourage your heart, mind, and body, all critical processes for people who are grieving following the death of a loved one.  

What Does Complicated Grief Feel Like?

There are several types of grief, and they may feel different from one other. 

Traditionally, Complicated Grief is what people experience when they get stuck in one of the various stages of grief and cannot move on. This can happen to anyone following a loss. As you process what has happened, it can overwhelm you.

This includes disenfranchised grief, where you feel more of a connection to the person who died than may seem normal. For instance, when a famous person you were a big fan of dies, or someone you only saw occasionally, like a third cousin or a local fixture in your community. It’s not someone the people around you might expect you to be strongly affected by losing, so they don’t get it, and you feel alone.

On the other hand, if you have a difficult relationship with the person who has died, you may have less intense feelings and be more likely to feel relief. The grief experience here will likely look different but can also become complicated by guilt over your relief, or suppressed and delayed grief. You seem to be moving on far more quickly than most would anticipate, which can be confusing.

Anticipatory grief can also be complicated if you get stuck there. Feelings of grief as you watch someone you love go through a long, terminal illness can become overwhelming. You might feel anxious and struggle to cope with your grief. The experience of grieving while still caring for the one you’re about to lose is unique and valid.

What If I Don’t Acknowledge My Grief?

As much as I’d love to tell you that hope beyond grief is possible without ever having to put in the tough work of acknowledging and processing your emotions, it isn’t. Grief isn’t always an active process or a short one. So, when you don’t even acknowledge the emotions you feel when a loved one passes, you prolong the process even further.

We often find that men can have a difficult time with this due to the societal pressures put upon them to “man up” and never show their emotions. Men, look no further than what the Bible has shown us to be our example.

John 11:35 tells us simply, “Jesus wept.”

Jesus, Lord of all creation, wept at the passing of his friend. Despite knowing his fate, God, in His corporeal form, still shed a tear for this loss. I would argue that he shows strength in acknowledging and processing His emotions and not feeling ashamed of them.

The Healing Process: Time Heals-If You Use It Well

If you engage with your grief, and work through the journey, then you will find your symptoms gradually improve as time passes. Time doesn’t heal automatically, though. As you mourn your loss, taking time to adapt and figure out your new normal, you will surprise yourself with healing. Never the same, but you’ll find ‘okay’ again.

If you are having trouble processing your grief or would like guidance for the grieving process, look into our grief care courses today for your church!