USEFUL SELF-CARE STRATEGIES FOR GRIEF COUNSELORS

Grief counseling can be difficult for the individual grieving, but it can also be hard and draining for the counselor. Counselors must take the time to care for themselves.

When you frequently help people navigate the grieving process as a professional counselor, pastor, or layperson, you can find your own emotional balance and resilience challenged. There are many self-care practices that can help. Let’s walk through a few of them together.

Self-Care Strategies for Those Involved in Grief Counseling

As you walk alongside people on their bereavement and healing journeys, offering guidance and support, it’s important not to neglect any signs of feeling overwhelmed in yourself. Daily immersion into the pain and trauma of others is emotionally draining and can lead to compassion fatigue.

Many of the self-care practices that you would recommend to the people you’re helping apply to you, too.

If you haven’t already, design a self-care plan for yourself. Prioritize making time in your regular routine, and you’ll have a huge head start:

Regular physical activity (especially things you enjoy doing)
Time with supportive friends
Adequate sleep, not just the bare minimum
Eat quality food most of the time (think 80-90% healthy, and indulge in treats 10-20%)
Make time for a hobby that brings you joy
Have self-compassion when things don’t go right
Meet with your own counselor as needed

Attend Debriefing Sessions

Most professional counselors, including grief counselors, have regular debriefing sessions with a colleague or clinical supervisor. These meetings typically occur once a month and provide an opportunity to process their experiences with their colleagues.

Why are these meetings helpful?

Regular clinical supervision is not merely a professional requirement—it is a lifeline for the caregiver’s own spirit. In grief work especially, the counselor carries stories of sorrow, trauma, regret, and love. Individual or group supervision becomes the safe place where all of that can be held, examined, and released.
In addition to issues of maintaining confidentiality, grief counselors may not want to burden their friends and family with the grief that they are handling. These sessions provide an outlet while keeping work and home life separate.

Avoid Burnout by Practicing Rest

Grief care is draining. It takes a lot of energy to journey with someone who is going through loss. The weight of grief is heavy and will often wear down both the bereaved person and their supporters. Ongoing self-care is necessary for maintaining emotional well-being.

Acknowledge when you are worn out and take the time that you need to recover. If you can, take some time off and rest. Allowing yourself to rejuvenate is not only good for your personal health and well-being but can also help you be a better counselor.

When fatigue sets in, your emotional health is more easily compromised, so getting adequate rest is important. Sometimes this means you’re not getting adequate sleep, but other times, it’s restorative activities that need your attention.

Prioritizing restful habits, like mindfulness, meditation (prayer), and journaling, can make a big difference in how you process and buffer everything.

Set Expectations and Boundaries

The job of a grief counselor is to encourage and uplift those who are grieving. It is not the job of a grief counselor to take away someone else’s pain.

By setting this expectation with your clients, you will avoid being held to a standard that you cannot meet, both by yourself and by the person you are trying to help.

Your goal is not to be their “savior.” You cannot take on their burden, no matter how hard you try. They will still have to feel the pain of grief when you leave the session. Empathy is crucial, and you’re there to help them learn coping strategies and equip them with a grief toolkit, but ultimately, managing grief is their responsibility.

Drink from the Spiritual Well for Refreshment

In John 4, Jesus tells the Samaritan woman at the well about an ever-flowing spring. He tells her that if she drinks from this spring, she will never thirst again.

We know that Jesus was not talking about actual water, but the Holy Spirit. Just like the woman at the well, we need to turn to Jesus and the Holy Spirit for strength. This is very important for grief counselors. If you don’t find rest in Jesus, you will tire quickly.

Listen to an Audio Bible or praise music while driving. Reading Bible stories with my kids or listening to a Kids’ Bible Podcast often has an effect on me that I wasn’t planning on. It connects right where I needed it.

If you can read your Bible, a devotion or Bible study, and journal, that’s great. But don’t avoid it because you can’t do it every day, or as well as others do.

Address Empathy Burnout and Compassion Fatigue in Yourself as a Grief Counselor

You pour yourself into nurturing and caregiving for people dealing with grief and loss. You’re wired to be compassionate and if you’re not careful the toll this takes on you can be intense. Lean on your own support system. Rediscover a balance of personal experiences that bring you joy, and seek help from either another professional or a good friend.

And of course, time with God.

In addition to these things, we also recommend training to strengthen your skills as a grief counselor. At Grief Care Fellowship, we offer a grief support training course called “Journey In Grief Care.” This course will give you the confidence and skills to work with those who are mourning the loss of a loved one.